It Is Good to Apologise

Yesterday was Yom Kippur, the end (for Jews) of ten days of reflection when we are to make amends to anybody we have wronged over the last year. In our tradition it is not enough to confess your wrong-doings to God. Instead you must seek out the person wronged and try to make it right.

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Now I am not a religious Jew and so I must confess to a slightly pick-and-choose approach to Jewish practice, as opposed to the 613 rules that are followed by the strictly Orthodox. However this practice makes sense to me, and it definitely makes a difference in those difficult relationships.

This year I made up with somebody I had a nasty public row with and made contact again with an ex-colleague who I used to be very close to and had lost touch with. I can think of times in past years where a hugely improved working relationship results from my apology.

The key is first a specific apology to the individual. And you have to let go of any feelings of anger or annoyance, which can be the hard part. Its no good saying “I apologise for X but you shouldn’t have done Y”. It must be just “I apologise for X”, often coupled with an explanation of why you like and respect them.

I am sure there are cases where the hurt is too deep for an apology to make a difference. But in one case this year months of bitterness simply evaporated as we emailed each other apologies for our part. Though I’m also reminded, as we go through the dozens of possible wrong-doings in the Synagogue service, that there are many I haven’t reached out to – that I could have.

And you don’t have to wait for Yom Kippur to do it, or even be Jewish. Think of who you might have not treated as you should have lately and try it. Call or email with an apology. And do let me know what results from it.

Related Blogs

How to Approach Conversations That Matter, Without the Worry — Apologising is part of having candid conversations that matter. Paul explains more in this blog.
Celebrate Your Mistakes With Us — Owning and learning from your mistakes is something to be celebrated. Claire talks us through why this should be the case.

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Henry Stewart

Henry is founder and Chief Happiness Officer of Happy Ltd, originally set up as Happy Computers in 1987. Inspired by Ricardo Semler’s book Maverick, he has built a company which has won multiple awards for some of the best customer service in the country and being one of the UK’s best places to work.

Henry was listed in the Guru Radar of the Thinkers 50 list of the most influential management thinkers in the world. “He is one of the thinkers who we believe will shape the future of business,” explained list compiler Stuart Crainer.

His first book, Relax, was published in 2009. His second book, the Happy Manifesto, was published in 2013 and was short-listed for Business Book of the Year.

You can find Henry on LinkedIn and follow @happyhenry on Twitter.